Best customer complaint letter ever

This complaint letter has been floating around the ‘Net for a while now, but it still has got to be the best complaint letter ever. You gotta love the British wit.

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office: My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website….HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your internet server’s downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme. Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration’s in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom – wankers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day – may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

Video: The Black Stig is back, emerges from the ocean after 6 years

source site – Video: The Black Stig is back, emerges from the ocean after 6 years

A press release was released following the video stating: “until now, the original Stig from BBC Top Gear was thought to have been killed back in 2003, when he drove a modified Jaguar XJS off the end of HMS Invincible aircraft carrier at 109mph. . . The nation was shocked that the Stig was dead. However, recent footage has been found on YouTube showing that he miraculously survived.”

11 Movies for Geeks to Look Out for in 2009

source site – Avatar, Watchmen, Wolverine and More – Movies for Geeks to Look Out for in 2009 – Popular Mechanics

The holiday movie season has come and gone without so much as a certified blockbuster. Thank goodness for 2009, which is chock-full of movies for every fanboy (or girl), whether you’re a Trekker or a John Connor wannabe. There’s even a movie about Fanboys. We’ve already given you our favorite F/X scenes of 2008—here are the geek-out-worthy flicks of 2009.

ROTTEN TOMATOES: Ten Sci-Fi Flicks for the Thinking Man

source site – ROTTEN TOMATOES: Ten Sci-Fi Flicks for the Thinking Man

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last four years, you know that the cheesy old sci-fi TV series known as Battlestar Galactica got picked up, dusted off, and given the all-time, grand champion, mother of all reboots. Solidly led by a couple of veteran movie actors (Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell), BSG has garnered a reputation as one of the best shows on TV. But don’t just call it a sci-fi show; its so much more than that. It’s about love and loss. It’s about what it means to be a soldier, and what it’s like to be a refugee. It’s about religion and fanaticism. It’s about government and corruption. But mostly it’s about our own humanity, and what it really means to be human. Since some of us here are at RT are huge BSG fans (and we’re betting some of you are too), in honor of the beginning of the end (starting next week), we thought we’d share a list of “thinking man’s” sci-fi films; sci-fi stories that aren’t about laser battles or rampaging mutants, but more thoughtful pieces on what it really means to be human.

i would like to have a list of sci-fi TV series – where i would put BSG, Firefly and X-Files amongst the best.